Sunday, July 13, 2014

Dear Taliban

Dear Taliban,

I hope this message finds you in the worst of health and rotting to your death. You probably haven't checked your mail lately, with all the armed action being taken against you. I really hope you find a good WiFi connection in the next sewer that you hide otherwise you won't get to update your wonderful video channel. That's a pity! But hey you guys were not actually delivering on your promise of creating a Shariah-run state. You really ought to rethink your strategy and try not to kill so many people in your pious efforts because that kind of ticks off the Army. They don't like it when somebody messes with their people.

With all this persecution in Pakistan, you must be finding it difficult to carry on your religious plans. I have a better idea - why don't you go to Palestine and fight for the Muslims instead? It may be too late for the likes of us to go back to being real Muslims but over there true Muslims are being massacred and they have no one to stand up for them. Now is your chance to prove your worth and show the world you mean business. Everybody used to think you guys are here just for terrorizing Muslims only but honestly, now you can terrorize some real infidels, i.e. the Israelis. All your talents of sniping, bombing and fighting will be utilized very appropriately. You will get all the international attention that you ever craved for and in the end you will definitely get your promised Paradise with all the perks and benefits. You can even throw in a couple of dramatic suicide bombers for further glory.

So, what do you think? Oh! You are too busy running from the Pakistan Army to think straight...Hmm...that poses a problem! Just keep running to avoid capture because I don't think you will stay alive for very long. Happy running!

Regards,
Your Secret Admirer

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